tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63512450631638404462024-03-05T14:49:14.898+00:00OutflowsI created this blog (as the name sugests) to write my outflows. I decided to do it so that I don't explode with all of my thoughts and to maybe help/find somebody in the same position.
I'm a teenager with an eating disorder and it has been difficult to live. Sometimes I just want to give up trying to reach happiness so this blog reminds me that I CAN'T give up.
*Sorry for the writing. For some reason it is easier to express myself in English and also because this way everbody can read it.JSilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02969037321004951079noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6351245063163840446.post-67608176196152459962012-02-11T22:43:00.000+00:002012-02-11T22:43:22.777+00:00<span style="background-color: white; color: #134f5c; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong></strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong><span style="color: #134f5c;">BEGIN AT THE BEGINNING</span></strong></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #134f5c; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Firstly, let me tell you my story...</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It was the summer of 2010. As usual, in these time of the year, me and my family, we went to the Algarve (which is famous for its nice beaches). I had a lot of fun and we took loads of photos. Suddenly, when I looked at myself in those photos, I realized I was a bit chubby. I thought I needed to lose some weight and I immediately started a diet. </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">At first, I was going pretty well. I lost some weight in a healthy way and I wasn't too skinny, I was SLIM, HEALTHIER and HAPPY. I changed little things like not eating french fries nor a lot of things fried, stop eating candies and sweets, eating whole bread, light food and fruit and vegetables, and starting to do exercise more regulary.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhagLBJCsywKWUvqC2-MfWprjBJEx3RhXKrjLc3EHV2VZAglrVX_vEZyrnS9t24FE8nbzNzwogA9HJWlezy73hD8cTx0_BuVgJtZN1xaDrsnZ2YDrj1Mc3XKJuZm8fnY5Bp8yUPC66CqcI/s1600/Teenagers_talking_on_beach_tdn08015%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="color: #134f5c;"><img border="0" height="130" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhagLBJCsywKWUvqC2-MfWprjBJEx3RhXKrjLc3EHV2VZAglrVX_vEZyrnS9t24FE8nbzNzwogA9HJWlezy73hD8cTx0_BuVgJtZN1xaDrsnZ2YDrj1Mc3XKJuZm8fnY5Bp8yUPC66CqcI/s200/Teenagers_talking_on_beach_tdn08015%5B1%5D.jpg" width="200" /></span></a><span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">When school started, all my colleagues were saying I was thinner and i remember their faces while they say that, they were like "uau". I liked that "uau face", a lot. It meant to me that my effort was being reworded. But (there's alwasy a but isn't it?) these new about me didn't last so long and people became accostumed with my new body, so they stopped mention that I was thinner. In my head (and my head really controled me during the disease because it distorted everything) it sounded like I was fat again and this only meant one thing: I needed to lose even more weigh.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">This is when things got out of control. In the following months (from December of 2010 to August of 2011) I stopped progressively eating some kind of food, things I really loved. I couldn't allow myself to eat, for example, ice-creams, potatoes, red meat, sodas, pizza (all the junk food was soooooo prohibited), chocolate, and so many other things that is normal for people to eat. I wanted to become a vegetarian which I almost was because I praticaly just ate fruit and greenstuff for my meals.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I only allowed myself to eat 1500 kcal a day, and if I eat less it would be better. It was a sad way to live, counting all the calories and ate and exercising like crazy. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">[<u>Sad moment</u>: on Christmas (2010) I didn't eat any traditional food, at all. Actually I ate fewer than I normally did, I was so worry because I was afraid that by seeing all that tasty food on the table I might eat it. So i spent all Christmas running away from food and keeping myself busy, so I didn't enjoyed it. It was a sad sad Christmas for me, but at the end of the day, when I was in my bed, I thought to myself: "Good Silver, you did it, you didn't eat any of those caloric things." and I was really plesed by doing it.]</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">I didn't realize but I was extremely unhappy. I pushed myself from my friends so I was lonely and I barely talked. Although I have great grades and seemed I was perfectly ok, I was dying inside, slowly, by starving myself.</span> </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3dNZv5fCTgEgc0Sk1Mw1jwOhCULBavK39TBkVZHUrdl1ntYlsZNzGog0lgIv6CFLN_xHzUwdZ6BAntY9z6xVAkmCJcietnE9j5VnDeYSGb_hM8EgSkb3rfzDtQ_XFWrkGEdM-glN05ac/s1600/column-path-unhappy-teenager%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3dNZv5fCTgEgc0Sk1Mw1jwOhCULBavK39TBkVZHUrdl1ntYlsZNzGog0lgIv6CFLN_xHzUwdZ6BAntY9z6xVAkmCJcietnE9j5VnDeYSGb_hM8EgSkb3rfzDtQ_XFWrkGEdM-glN05ac/s200/column-path-unhappy-teenager%5B1%5D.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">In 2010, when it all began, I was 14 years old, my height was aproximately 161 cm, and I weighted around 54 kg (118.8 lbs). </span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">The minimun that I weighted during the disease was 44 kg (96.8 lbs) with 15 years old and my height was 163 cm.</span><br />
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Now with still 15 years old, my weigh is 56 kg (123.3 lbs). I'm not 100% confident with my body the way it is so my therapist say that I can lose some weight, in a totaly healthy way and to an equally healthy weight, if this is so important to me and is blocking me to talk to other people and do things.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Again, this blog is directed to EVERYONE who's passing through some hard times and can recognize her/his story in mine. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Do not give up trying to reach happiness because in the end that's everbody's goal.</span><br />
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<br />JSilverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02969037321004951079noreply@blogger.com0